Angela

Essay 10

June 22, 2024

I haven’t written in so long.  I’m not sure why.  I told myself I was too busy with life.  Really, I think I was just distracting myself.  I’ve had passing moments of inspiration, but I haven’t allowed myself to sit down and put pen to paper, so to speak.  Today, even though I feel that there are other things I should be tending to, I could not ignore it.

I sat down to meditate, after a week of not taking time to meditate.  I was traveling for work and kept putting it off.  As I sat on my grounding mat, I immediately tapped in.  I felt that warm sense of love wash over me, and it brought tears to my eyes.  I needed a release.  Visions of my younger self ran through my mind’s eye like a movie playing.  And as I watched a young, lonely, hurt version of myself sitting quietly in her bedroom, dreaming of who she would become someday, I took her hands and assured her that she would become even more than she could ever imagine. 

Tears streamed down my face as I saw the trauma that little girl faced and felt the pain and loneliness that consumed her.  In every frame of the movie, I placed my hand on her and told her to hold on, that it would get better.  I told her that she couldn’t see it now, but someday she would find the God within her.  She would find her light and her confidence, and she would expand it so much, that she would share it with the world.

And then a voice came to me.  It was kind and familiar.  I caught a scent of clean soap and warm perfume that was absolutely lovely.  She told me she was my guide, and she’s always been here.  Her name is Angela.  We have met before, briefly, but I didn’t trust the interaction enough.  I doubted that it, and that she, was real.  She has been waiting for me to call on her.  Angela told me to be more present and find ways to enjoy every moment, in the now.  She told me to stop waiting for the future to find that joy.  She also advised me to release judgment – judgement of others and judgement of myself.  The sentence that she shared with me that will stick with me forever was, “Unconditional love is the key to unlock all things”.  Go forward, in peace – that, I will.

Love,

Phoenix Rising