Feeling Stuck or Unhappy?  Try This.

Essay 7

November 28, 2023

I will preface this by saying don’t expect a quick solution.  I feel it’s important to level-set expectations.  If you’re trying to get out of a tough situation, and you want it to happen today, this probably won’t get you there.  Growth is a process, and life is about growing, learning, and evolving.  You can’t do it in one day.

I know that’s frustrating, especially if you have been stuck or unhappy for a long time.  I’m with you.  I frequently say that I’m the most impatient person in the world.  Waiting is the worst, and I like quick solutions.  However, I also know what has worked for me in the past, time and time again.  I have had struggles, setbacks, and years of waiting, but I have also experienced tremendous growth and times when blessings seemed to just drop into my lap.  A common theme runs through them all, and I want to share my experience for anyone that it could help.

If you’re in a specific situation that is causing feelings of discontent and unhappiness – a relationship, a job, a living situation – and you’re tired of feeling that way, it’s time to change, and it’s time for YOU to change it.  Even if you don’t know how to get out of it or where to go next, you can follow these steps to move the process along.

Step 1:

Accept your situation.  I mean, fully accept it. That’s much easier said than done.  You are where you are, and it happened for a reason.  Admit that.  Stop trying to fight it, stop trying to numb it, and just sit in it.  Whatever feelings come up as a result of that, allow yourself to feel them, and release them.  These might feel like defeat, disappointment, failure, guilt, sadness.  These are all okay and a part of life.  Cry them out, write them out, sing them out, run them out – do whatever you need to do to experience the feeling and release it from your body.

You are NOT your shitty situation.  It is NOT a reflection of what you deserve.  It happened to help your soul evolve, and there is a lesson in it, which takes us to step 2.

Step 2:

Find the lesson.  This one can take time.  You have to be able to pull your mind out of the situation and objectively look at it from the outside.  Pretend you’re looking at your friend’s situation, if that helps.  What would this situation teach someone?  How would it change them in a positive way?  Can you identify how it has helped you to grow as a person?  Are there ways that you still need to grow within it?

If you can’t find the lesson, and if you can’t see any positive at all, you’re not ready yet.  Know that you probably haven’t learned the lesson yet.  Accept that you will learn it, and it may take some time and more experience.  Stay in this step until it happens*.  It will come to you.  You may be driving one day, and it just occurs to you that the situation has made you better. 

You can also help this process with creative expression.  Write about your feelings and experiences to help it make sense.  Create art.  Build something.  Choreograph a dance.  Garden.  Create a new recipe.  Do what feels true to you, and you don’t have to share it with anyone.  It’s an expression from your heart, for you.  Art gets you out of your head and helps the ideas unconsciously flow.

*Disclaimer – If you are in an unsafe situation, I am by no means suggesting that you sit in this step and stay in your situation.  If you are in danger, your immediate priority is your safety and survival.  Throw this plan out the window, and do what you need to do to be safe right now.

Step 3:

Express your gratitude.  Once you have pinpointed your lesson or lessons, you now have something to be thankful for, even in the worst situations.  This shitty thing made you better.  It’s all about perspective.  Change your perspective.  Despite the pain or disappointment, this situation or person helped you to grow.  Maybe it gave you an experience that helped you to have a new understanding of something.  Maybe it taught you a new skill. Maybe it made you wiser, or kinder, or stronger.  Maybe it taught you perseverance. Be thankful for that growth.  Focus on that feeling, and let the negative go.  Find forgiveness in your heart for others, but most importantly, find forgiveness for yourself.  Connect with your heart and let gratitude wash over you.  Everything in life is happening for your soul’s greatest good.  What a blessing that is.

You may find it helpful to find a form of expression for your gratitude.  For me, I pray and give thanks to God and the Universe – for the good, for the bad, for the lesson, and for the fact that it wasn’t more painful than it was.  Things can always be worse.  If praying isn’t your thing, talk to a friend about it, or just simply speak it into existence when you’re sitting by yourself.  Simply put, find a way to express your gratitude and put it out into the Universe.

Step 4:

What DO you want?  Instead of this situation, what different experience would give you peace and contentment in your heart?  It doesn’t have to be overly specific.  In fact, it probably shouldn’t be.  This isn’t creating a checklist for your ideal person (if you’re looking for a relationship, as an example).  Start with the feeling you want to feel.  What does it feel like?  Now, what does the situation look like?  Get clear with the Universe about what you want.  Write it down if you have to.  And know that you deserve it, and it’s already yours.  Then, set it and forget it.  Go on with your life as normal, and know that you will attract the new thing when the timing is right.

Step 5:

Don’t wait for the new thing to be happy.  Choose to be happy and grateful now.  Lack consciousness happens when we believe we will be happy “when” – when we get the relationship or the new job or the house, etc. etc.  We believe that something outside of ourselves will make us happy, when the truth is that happiness and fulfillment comes from within.  Go inward.  We cannot control what is outside of us, but we can control our own thoughts.  Find the divine light within you, and connect with it daily.  Hold on to that light as much as possible. Know that everything happening in the world around you can’t touch that light.  Find joy in little things.  See the God/divine in everything around you.  Spread love and kindness whenever you can.  Have unwavering faith that everything is being orchestrated in your favor, and it will all work out for your greatest good. And watch your whole world change before your eyes.

Love,

Phoenix Rising