Ode to My Family

Essay 28

March 24, 2026

I heard the song by The Cranberries when I was driving on Sunday.  It had been a long time since I heard it.  I said to my wife, “I used to love this song.  It always moved me. What 10-year-old do you know that gets choked up by music?”  I turned the volume up and let it transport me to riding in the backseat of my mom’s car while the radio played.  I felt my eyes welling up as I listened to the lyrics.

Ancestral Lessons

I spent much of my life trying to get away from my family, trying to separate myself from them and their thinking.  I have always felt like I did not belong among them, not because I was better, but because I was different.  Now, I mostly love them from a distance, because that’s the way I prefer it.  However, I cannot mistake the lessons that were passed down to me that have helped me on my journey.  I would like to think that whether they consciously realize it or not, I have also taught them lessons that assisted in their growth.  And for these reasons, it gives meaning to why this family was chosen for me and why I also chose them.

My grandfather, on my father’s side, taught me the value of a dollar at a young age.  He would pay me to do chores for him, and he always paid well.  He repeatedly told me to “always save for a rainy day”.  For many years, I didn’t listen.  But now, I think of his words often. I would like to think that he would be proud to know the nest egg I have made for myself.  My grandfather was an excellent provider.  He took pride in making sure his family was taken care of, even long after he was gone.

My family didn’t come from much.  They were hard workers with little formal education, but they were smart, savvy, and resourceful.  My grandfather had a career as a superintendent on the railroad. He was a natural leader, and he taught me to work hard.  That served me well in climbing the corporate ladder, but now it is programming I am attempting to unlearn.  I worked myself to the point of exhaustion for years because I thought that was only way to get ahead.  I did get ahead, but I also sacrificed my mental health. I ultimately reached a ceiling that I do not believe I am supposed to overcome by just working harder at the same job.

My mother’s family was a different dynamic entirely.  The family was carried on the back of every woman.  My great-grandmother raised five children alone.  I never once heard my great-grandfather mentioned, so I imagine he was not around.  My grandmother, their daughter, raised three children while fighting off an abusive, alcoholic husband.  He died of liver disease when I was very young. The women in my bloodline were incredibly resilient and quietly strong.

My mother’s family taught me faith.  It was not through preaching or force, but through my own observation. They leaned on God for strength. They showed me an openness to that which I could not see.  They talked about acceptance of mystical things like psychics, spirits, and tarot readers.  For several years, I did not believe in God.  I considered myself too logical for that.  But in the lowest moments of my life, times when I did not believe I could endure any more, it was to God that I turned when hope was gone.

Healing the Bloodline

My grandparents passed the trauma and programming from their parents down to all of their children, as so many families do.  My dad became a provider.  He was a manager at a reliable job that he hated.  He chose stability over happiness, and he often took his work stress out on his family.  My mom became a parent and homemaker.  She never found her sense of self-worth. She often accepted lesser treatment than she deserved.  Neither of them has had the awareness or space to recognize and heal.  They spent most of their lives in survival mode just like much of their generation.

These patterns then repeated in my life.  But something changed when I woke up 10 years ago.  And things have been shifting ever since.  I believe that I am the one that my ancestors have waited for.  The one to break the pattern.  And if you are reading this, there is a chance that you are the same one for your ancestral line.  I have heard that indigenous cultures believe that healing work is felt seven generations back and seven generations forward.  I feel that responsibility, but mostly as a beautiful opportunity to free us all.

Guides in Spirit

I feel my ancestors watching me.  I know that they are cheering for my success.  My grandparents have come to me in spirit various times.  They have also shown up in my dreams when I needed direction or reassurance.  I hear their words of wisdom.  I feel their deep love.  I see the signs that they send me, and I know that they are guiding me on my path.

My family is imperfect, as all families are.  At times, they have challenged me.  Other times, they have hurt me.  I am sure that I have done the same in return.  But I am grateful for them nonetheless.  I am thankful for who I come from on this earth.  I am proud of the ones who came before me. They taught me resilience through struggles.  They taught me how to pray, how to provide for my family, how to lead.  They made me aware that there are things beyond our realm of sight that can’t be explained.  They shaped me into who I am.  And now, they are showing me the way forward.

What has your family taught you?

Love,

Phoenix Rising