Anger and Realizations

Essay 27

March 18, 2026

I have been angry the past few days.  Mostly with my job.  Mostly with my boss.  I feel trapped and unable to get out.  I was hit with a huge realization today about my own process of growth, the phase I am in, and why the next door has not quite opened yet.  Ironically, I wrote about the process of getting unstuck over two years ago here, and I guess I just hadn’t learned all of the lessons needed in this experience yet.

The Path to Anger

Let me rewind to why I am angry.  My job has been years of an uphill climb, and it has felt like my whole purpose there was to positively transform the environment for the greater good.  That process has included many struggles, too much conflict, and a total shift of my own identity along the way.  Over the years, I have felt disrespected, unappreciated, and taken for granted.  But it was all in the name of making things better for my people.  My current leadership confidence was birthed through fire.

Recently, everything came to a head.  I was denied a promotion, and I am already doing 75% of the role above my current title.  That has been true for three or four years now.  I am one of those employees who makes their boss’s job easier – always anticipating problems, identifying opportunities independently, and taking initiative to address everything proactively, ensuring things run smoothly.  I am always one step ahead.  I consistently exceed every goal given to me. The reason for promotion denial was labeled as a conflict with our current leadership structure, and I was given a dangling carrot to revisit it in one year because I am “valued”.  My boss told me this was the decision of his supervisor, not him.

An Epiphany

As weeks went by, and I processed my feelings, I noticed patterns at work.  It was like all of the individual puzzle pieces from the last few years started to come together to form a complete picture.  My boss was the reason I had not been promoted.  He never made it clear to anyone that I was operating a level above my role because then they would question what he was doing.  Then they would want to know why he was needed.  He was also working to achieve a promotion himself, but he was taking advantage of me and my work to get there.

Pieces of what I had noticed in the past came into focus all at once.  I saw how he caused confusion and frustration with our team members, and I was always there to clean it up and smooth it over as the “middleman”.  I saw how I kept everything running smoothly while he was frequently out of the office.  I realized how he gave me no freedom to make independent decisions, but I carried all of the responsibility. I noticed how leadership credit frequently defaulted to him for improvements made, even though I was the one who did all the work.  He never corrected people or shared credit.  I had ideas that I would proactively work with managers under me to implement.  My boss would publicly give credit to that manager for the improvement, but he never shared that I initiated it.  If any acknowledgement was given to me at all, it was done privately in an individual message, where no one else could see.

Self-Betrayal No More

I had been giving him too much of a pass.  I would tell myself that he meant well, but he just wasn’t great with people or feelings.  I thought he had a good heart and didn’t realize his missteps.  When I would get frustrated with him, he would apologize and act differently for a few days.  But the cycle would always repeat itself.  At best, he was failing me as leader.  At worst, he was intentionally taking advantage of me and manipulating the situation for his own gain.  My disappointment quickly grew into rage.

Over the last few days, I have been fighting the urge to lash out at my boss in almost every interaction due to my newfound clarity.  I know that he has held me back.  I believe that I bring out his insecurities, and he feels pressured by my rapid growth.  I have been extremely blunt with him lately.  I respectfully but firmly pointed out when his behavior caused problems for me or others.  When opportunities presented, I set new boundaries around my time and what is acceptable to me.  I can tell that he is caught off guard.  He is likely wondering where the understanding and forgiving version of me went.

Gratitude

I recently wrote about achieving unconditional love for myself.  This included learning to love the less favorable and imperfect parts of myself.  Today, I sat with my anger, and I acknowledged it for how it is helping me.  Anger tends to signal that injustice, imbalance, or unmet needs are present.  I thanked my anger for showing me that I have been treated unfairly and that my boundaries have been crossed.  I realized that my anger knows I have been manipulated and taken for granted. I did not fight to shove my anger down, nor did I let it explode uncontrollably.  I simply witnessed it.

I can feel this experience causing a shift in my identity.  For years, I labeled myself many things – the kind one, the understanding one, the healer, the empath, the unselfish giver, the heart-centered leader.  I never wanted to be misunderstood or viewed negatively.  Now, I am embracing the parts of me that keep me safe – the ones that tell me that I’m exhausted and I need to put a boundary in place, the ones that tell me not to sacrifice my own happiness for others, the part that no longer cares what other people think of me.  I am okay with being misunderstood as long as I know I am being authentic to myself.  There is no more need to overexplain or protect an image of a good person.  I know myself.  And I will no longer betray myself for the sake of being seen as “good”.

I am grateful for this shift, and I can feel a new version of me taking hold.

What lessons are you learning, and how are you letting them shift you?

Love,

Phoenix Rising