Post Election Feelings

Essay 14

November 6, 2024

I woke this morning at 6am, afraid to check my phone.  I already knew.  After a few minutes of battling the urge to look and confirm, I reached for my phone and laid in bed reading the headline of the day.  I could hear my wife showering as I sat up in the dark and contemplated my disappointment in humanity.

Last night, after hours of watching election coverage, I decided to meditate before bed.  I could physically feel the negativity melting off me as I connected with the divine.  I felt such peace as my frequency lifted and the tension that I didn’t even realize was there left my body.  And then I heard, “Everything you have prayed for will happen.  It is all part of the plan.”  I instinctively knew that what needed to happen would happen, and that the world would likely get worse before it could get better.  I told myself that it was important for me to have faith through this process.  I went to bed in a solemn mood, knowing a tough day would follow.

My wife swung the bathroom door open, as light and steam spilled into our bedroom. 

“He won,” I said quietly, still a bit stunned. 

“They announced it?  Are you okay?” she asked me. 

There was a long pause, and tears began to stream down my face as I questioned, “What kind of a world do we live in where more people would rather vote for a racist, misogynistic, hateful, evil person than a BLACK WOMAN?  Because that’s what this is.  I’m just so sad.”  She walked around to the side of the bed and hugged me in her arms.

After I saw my wife off to work, I texted a good friend who I knew was devastated this morning.  “I love you.  Try to have a good day today.”  I got ready for work slowly, like I was stuck in mud.  I thought about how detached I had remained throughout the election cycle.  I made a conscious choice this time not to give my power away to the government.  No matter which person won, the system was still the system, and I was opting out of it.  No person outside of myself would have power over me.  My sadness from the morning turned to anger by the afternoon.

As I sit here and type this, with one earbud in my ear, my phone began to auto play “Inner City Blues” by Marvin Gaye.  I often receive divine messages through music, my favorite medium.  I Googled the lyrics:

Oh, make me want to holler

The way they do my life (yeah)

Make me want to holler

The way they do my life

This ain’t livin’, this ain’t livin’

No, no baby, this ain’t livin’

No, no, no , no

Inflation no chance

To increase finance

Bills pile up sky high

Send that boy off to die

Oh, make me want to holler

The way they do my life

The world can be an ugly place.  The systems were not built for us, and they are all meant to enslave us for the profit of the few.  Tomorrow, I will try again to be positive.  Tomorrow, I will take back my power and remain detached, keeping my faith in God and my focus on the small joys around me.  I will be my own leader.  But today, just for today, I am heavy, I am tired, and I am sad for all of us.

Love,

Phoenix Rising